Siblings

It can be difficult for parents to focus on the needs and concerns of the other siblings when one child has cancer. Brothers and sisters can have a hard time when one child in the family is diagnosed with a long-term condition. It is important to talk to other children about their sibling’s condition. Parents sometimes worry that children will be burdened with too much information, but they usually prefer to be told the truth. 

The brothers and sisters of a child with cancer may have many or all of the same feelings and emotions that parents have.

If you need to spend a lot of time in the hospital with your child, your other children may need to be cared for by family members or friends. They may have a lot of time away from you and experience lots of changes to their daily routine. 

Some common feelings siblings might experience include:

• Being scared or worried for their sibling

• Feeling guilty that they are healthy

• Thinking they caused their sibling’s cancer

• Anger at how their lives have been changed

• "Acting out" or attention-seeking behaviour

• Wanting to help but not knowing how

• Jealousy, especially if their diagnosed sibling is showered with gifts and concern

It can help to plan some time to let your other children be the centre of attention for a while, perhaps by going out for a meal or to see a film. Even 10 minutes at the end of a day can make a big difference. If your child with cancer is having some special attention – for example, having sweet treats or their favourite things to eat – you can do the same for other children in the family so they don’t feel left out.

Some ways to help siblings

• Your other children could attend hospital appointments to ask the doctor questions, or just to feel included

• Give them as much easy-to-understand information as possible 

• Let them know who to go to if they need extra support, because it might be hard for you to spend the time with them that they want or need. That person could be a family member, or even a trusted friend

• Try to keep their usual activities going

• If you are away from them for a long time, keep in touch by text or phone. Try using video calling so the children can talk to each other

• Write little notes for them to find in their lunch box, or under their pillow so they know you are thinking of them even though you are away 

• Try to keep to your family's rules and limits to help maintain some "normal" structure.